First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
