I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
