can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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