when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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