not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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