return my video game
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
