Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize