i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
