and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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