I wish my penis had an off switch
Me too!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
