hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
