At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
