6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
