I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
