I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
