I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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