I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
