Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
