He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
