At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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