i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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