my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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