dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
