I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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