Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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