I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
