put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
