Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
