I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
