do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
