and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
