Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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