She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
