are you still at the devil's house?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the condom got lost in my hair
this just has baby written all over it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
