I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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