I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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