Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize