Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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