There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
