why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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