Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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