weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
