What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
