I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
