I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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