I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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