I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
