Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
