It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
