Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
