The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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