I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want her autograph on my taint
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
