First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize