I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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