I wish they made helmets for livers.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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