I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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