I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
