do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
