could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
