Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
