I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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