And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
