I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
high people should be assigned attendants
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They took my balls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
